DnD Game Review · Uncategorized

Greg, our Lord and Failure. SEND HELP!

Session three.

Playing tonight we have the lovely yet terrifying virgin Dragonkin Cleric, the knowledge enhanced Half-Elf Fighter, the oh so Human Rogue, the graceful Orc Ranger, the Elf Druid and her trusty baby black panther, Gwenhwyver.

Our DM Greg arrived 20 minutes late. TWENTY MINUTES LATE!!! He really needs to stop taking his sexy time sensual baths before DND. He comes in and is completely unorganized and can’t seem to find our minis. Why? Oh, cause he’s not smart. I thought we already covered this previously? He refused to put all our minis together in a bag during our last session so now we’re going through 98 different bags of minis to search for the ones we are using…

We eventually find them. Or ones close enough to claim they were us. We’re really just ready to get the game started. We have an arcane spell caster, Be’lzar, to hunt down and murder!

The last session ended with Be’lzar running off from the fort and vanishing. We start this one right where we left off. Bel’lzar gone and we’re on the top of Fort Glamis. We find 3 scrolls on the top of this fort. No writing. Yeah, they were all used up and completely worthless. So glad Greg pointed these out to us….

We leave the fort and go north in the direction that we saw Be’lzar running. Thanks to the Ranger’s amazing skills we were able to see where he went. We follow the trail/tracks to some foothills/tiny mountains. We keep going and notice things are becoming very barren and the earth here is even more sucked dry around the mountain then in other places. We find an entrance way into the mountains…some may call it a cave. Greg didn’t but like we’ve said…not smart. We all sucked at a wisdom check and determined we probably wanted to be cautious entering this cave….we would quickly forget this during all the action and battle later.

As we’re walking through the cave we notice it starting to slope down. We keep walking and eventually the small tunnel way opens to a large cavernous hall. There are 4 pedestals on the back wall. Each one is 5 ft tall. Greg tells us that on these pedestals are creatures that look like this *puts down a mini of an armored man with a tall shield*. But he tells us they don’t look like that at all because they are not men in armor, they are skeletons. But they do have really tall shields. So basically he’s a liar.

We decide before proceeding that the Rogue should probably check for traps. The horrible DM Greg decides we need to check every square of the way. Dude, Greg was in a special mood last week and we were ready to hang him. Or at least I was.

We start discussing our plan of attack. These skeleton creatures have not reacted to us at all since we entered this hall. At this point the Rogue is going to try to sneak up beside one to investigate. Unfortunately she rolled poorly and stomped up to him instead. Lots of noise. The Skeleton then turned towards the Rogue and planted his 5ft tall shield between them. The Ranger then tried to shoot the now exposed to the rest of side of the creature. Of course the arrow went right through the skeleton and hit the wall instead. At this point we rolled for initiative.

The fighter was first. She walked right up to the skeleton guard with her great sword. She completely missed him. I think she forgot her glasses. Then the rogue got another shot. Using one of the short swords she was able to make contact with the skeleton and do some damage. This is when the skeletons all get up and run to block the entryway to go further into the cave. Which obviously is where the arcane spell caster is cause we can hear a faint chanting noise coming from there. The skeletons also all planted their shields down and now there is no physical attack we can use on them. The cleric cast Murderous Action on them. Basically this means that one of them would turn against another and we’d be down to only having to kill 3 more! Plus it would create an opening so we could squeeze through. Well of course the spell didn’t work. So we were back to the drawing board. We decide to let the Cleric fly over them and the Fighter did some high quality acrobatics and flipped over them. This gave us a way to attack them. We were also able to get more information on the next area of the cave. It was another great hall. In this room was a 20ft platform and on top of that platform was Be’lzar! He’s up there chanting/casting a spell! We have to kill him before he finishes or disappears again!

The skeletons went on attack. Fortunately they all missed. HUZZAH! Fighter went to attack with her great sword. She had a little too much momentum though and ended up swinging around in a circle but on her way back around (used a hero point and re-rolled a crit) she made contact and had so much force behind it that the skeleton simply burst into bone dust upon contact. She was also able to attack another, killing it. Rogue missed completely on her turn and ran into the wall. The two remaining skeletons try to attack the Cleric and Fighter but they both miss. Skeletons aren’t smart. (I’ll regret that in a moment…)

The Cleric then focuses her attention on Be’lzar. She cast Shadow Trap on him so he couldn’t up and run away before we could murder him. Of course he was able to resist the spell. Of course! The Druid then shoots an arrow at Be’lzar and hits him. He pulls the arrow out, briefly pausing in his spell to laugh, then he continued on with his spell. He finishes up his spell and a small poof of smoke appears but nothing happens. HA! THAT’S WHAT YOU GET FOR STOPPING TO LAUGH AT US! jerk. He gets mad and throws the scroll down. Just then while he’s still throwing his tantrum the Ranger lets an arrow rip and it hits him. Right in the stomach. He’s bleeding pretty good now. We take turns shooting him with arrows, some more damaging than others. Then all of a sudden the skeletons attack the Druid (oh crap, that’s me!) and take her down to 4HPs. They also sneak attack the Rogue (LOL, irony) and they wipe her HPs out. As she passes out on the floor they lean down over her and say “That’s how you sneak up on someone bitch.” It was a little harsh if you ask me. But its what skeletons do.

The Cleric heals he Rogue up some. Enough for her to wake up and rejoin the battle. The Druid runs by the skeletons to avoid death by those mean girls and to get a better shot at Be’lzar. Be’lzar starts a new spell. We all keep attacking Be’lzar until he’s barely hanging on. He’s up there and he’s started to sputter blood with every word of his spell. He’s slowly swaying back and forth…it’s clearly an effort to stay up right and keep casting his spell. The Druid attempts to end him with her arrow. Her shot slightly misses the target area but does deal him damage. The man is hanging on by a thread. From somewhere we hear someone grunt “FINISH HIM!!” The Cleric steps up and cast Hedging Weapons. It works and he passes out, bleeding everywhere. His blood is slowly dripping down the edge and wall of the 20ft platform like a red crayon left outside on a hot summer day

While we wait for this dude to bleed out we turn our focus to these two remaining skeletons. The Rogue really wanted a piece of the one that knocked her out so she went after him screaming something like sounded like “Sassenach” and she killed that skeleton good. And the panther, Gwenhwyver took revenge on the other skeleton for almost killing the Druid. Gwenhwyver took that skeleton down with her own 2 claws.

The Cleric then took flight up to where the arcane spell caster was. He was dead. HUZZAH! She took the scroll he was using to try and cast a spell. The spell he had was an elemental bombardment spell. It’s ours now! It can summon elementals to attack enemies. It’s super powerful and super damaging. We all celebrate our great win here.

We notice there is also a pedestal up there near the body. Upon further inspection we notice 4 other scrolls containing spells on it. We take them all of course. We are now the proud owner of the scroll previously mentioned, 2 arcane scrolls (resist energy and fear), and 2 divine scrolls (blindness/deafness and re-incarnate).

After this Greg told us to do a local knowledge check. We all sucked at it. He told us that Be’lzar was a skilled spell caster and we’re lucky we beat him. He looks familiar dead. Wait, did he say familiar first? Yeah he did. So we all argued on what the DM said but didn’t want to say/changed his mind about/so forth. We settled on he looked kinda familiar.

Then for the next 10 minutes Greg was “Where did my figurines go? You all are trying to steal my figurines.” GET ORGANIZED GREG!!!!!

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